Before Ellen Page came out, she admits that she really struggled with gender lines and gender roles, and this internal battle led to terrible panic attacks. Even while seeing her career take flight, she was still depressed.
“When you’re on that track you’re a racehorse, going and going with these blinders on. You don’t stop to address how you feel. I’d get panic attacks and sense an incredible discomfort because I didn’t relate to the conformity that comes with my gender (such as wearing feminine dresses on shoots). I was doing something I love and also wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ You hate yourself for feeling bad, so you pretend you’re happy. I’d ask myself, ‘Can’t you just flip a switch, be a character, play the game?'”
Now that she has embraced her sexual identity and discovered her comfort zone, she feels at peace with who she is and her fashion choices.
“I do interviews [now] with a sense of, ‘Oh, this is what it’s like’. A photo shoot used to only represent discomfort, I felt guilty for lying. Fashion once meant dresses and heels, and I didn’t know why I’d want to be dressed that way. Now I’m like, ‘Oh my god, those boots!’ Those are not words I thought I’d ever say. A beautiful suit is nice. I get fashion now. In fact, I love it.”
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